


In which Penny gives Baz the Shovel Talk

by confessionsofachocoholic



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Baz gets a bit nervous, M/M, Multi, Penny is a bit of a savage tbh, Shovel Talk, but can you honestly blame him?, my awesome friend suggested this!, penny is protective of simon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 02:31:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19264150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confessionsofachocoholic/pseuds/confessionsofachocoholic
Summary: The title pretty much says it all.Baz visits Simon and Penny's flat at a time where Simon is running an errand, Penelope answers and you can probably guess what happens next...





	In which Penny gives Baz the Shovel Talk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Inglese13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inglese13/gifts).



> I'd like to thank the wonderful Inglese13 for giving me this idea and being my beta for this fanfic! ☺
> 
> Feedback and constructive criticism is appreciated as always! ☺

Baz 

 

I stand at the door of Snow and Bunce’s flat, rummaging through my pockets for my key, by the time I manage to find the little bugger the door swings open.

“What the fuc-” To my surprise Bunce interrupts me.

“Hello, Baz,” Bunce gestures in the general direction of the living room, with an unsettling smile on her face, “why don’t you come in and take a seat?”

“Of course, Bunce.” I obediently take a seat on the sofa, somewhat uneasy, as I have no idea as to why Bunce has such a manic, forced-looking smile on her face. I attempt to make conversation. “How are you?”

“I’m quite well, Pitch,” Bunce says as she sits down next to me on the sofa, “and yourself?”

“I’m alright.” I shift, feeling a bit unnerved by how casual this conversation is. The room is tense with things that haven’t yet been said and I have no idea what those things in question happen to be. “Where is Snow?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Bunce, says this in a tone that makes me want to worry, “Simon’s just out doing some shopping, it was his turn. I thought this might be a good opportunity for the two of us to have a little chat.”

“Oh, is that so?” I ask, bracing myself, “about anything in particular?”

“Well yes, you see, Pitch,” I swallow when she says this, there’s something in her voice that implies confrontation, “this is something I’ve been wanting to discuss with you for quite some time.”

 

Penelope

 

Baz looks like he’s about to shit bricks and it’s taking most of my will power not to laugh because of it. He seems to realise how I’m fully aware of his nervousness and attempts to mask it with disdain. I almost believe this front he’s putting up. _Almost._

“Very well, Bunce,” he huffs impatiently, “get on with it.”

“Well you see, you and Simon have been dating for around 6 months now?” I look to Baz, who lets out a sigh.

“5 months, Bunce,” he says haughtily, his nostrils flare a bit, “5 months.”

“Hmm, it sure feels like a lot longer.” I say this just to piss him off, after being a condescending little prick. “Anyway, I feel there’s something important you need to hear from me, Baz.”

“Oh, Bunce, I don’t exactly need your blessing,” the vampire chuckles, a bit relieved, “but thank you nonetheless.”

Oh boy, is he in for a rude shock.

“Actually, that’s not at all what I wanted to talk about,” Baz swallows again, “Baz, you do really care for Simon, don’t you?”

He sighs at the mention of Simon, the corners of his mouth hitch up a little higher on his face and his eyes gleam with affection. Baz looks like a lovesick puppy, which is endearing in a way that makes me want to dry-retch. I’m a woman on a mission and I don’t have time for this nonsense.

“Um, hello? Earth to Baz?” I say, waving a hand in front of his face.

Baz snaps back to reality and shakes his head as he tries to regain composure.

“Oh, _yes_ , of course I care for him, Bunce!” Baz seems vaguely insulted at me questioning his devotion.

“Well, that’s a relief,” and with this he leans back with his arms crossed and an expectant eyebrow raised, I continue, “because if you didn’t, do you know what would happen?”

“Oh go on, enlighten me, Bunce.” He says, rolling his eyes. It seems there probably won’t be an issue, but I digress…

“Well, lets just say if anything were to happen to Simon, if you were ever to hurt him,” I pause and exhale, “a mortician would not recognise what was left of you as you are in your current state. Not that there’s anyway I would make it possible for a mortician to be involved mind you. Is that understood?”

“Of course, Bunce.” Baz says. He’s a lot calmer than I expected him to be.

“Lovely,” I say, beaming, “Would you like a cup of tea?”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I know this is pretty short but I'll try to get the next chapter up soon! Thank you for reading, have a lovely day! ☺


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